i woke, and sat up on my bed,
trying hard my sleep to shed,
but here is what I got instead.
A high pitched scream shot through my head,
then this is what the woman said,
the MIRACLE WHIP is dead, she said,
the Miracle Whip is dead!
I screwed off the lid and eyeballed the stuff,
it looked like a kind of grayish fluff,
and I knew that it was old enough
to vote.
Then quickly it jumped from out of it's jar,
and grew so large that it ate my car.
It raced up the street to an Irish bar,
And drank all the pints both near and far!
It moved more slowly, like a giant drip,
and commandeered a rocket ship.
God only knows where ends the trip,
but I have got this one great tip;
Check the expiration dates!
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